Excerpts

INTRODUCTION The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. --NORMAN VINCENT PEALE Standing 10 meters above the earth, balancing on the edge of a diving platform, I would listen to my coach yelling corrective instructions about what I needed to do to make my next dive better. Most people would consider his harsh admonishments mixed with encouragement as criticism, but for me, it was direction, instruction, and insight. Through training and a plentiful amount of no-holdsbarred criticism from him, I was able to exceed even my own expectations as a diver. Because I accepted his criticisms as helpful, I eventually became ranked among the top ten women divers in the United States. Unfortunately, my career in platform and springboard Olympic compe- ition ended suddenly when doctors discovered retinal tears in both my eyes. Had I continued, I was told, blindness would have been the inevitable result. Initially, I was devastated by the loss of my Olympic dreams. I was determined, however, not to let my years of training experience go to waste, so I used my knowledge in competitive diving as the foundation for starting my career in the area of improving others' individual performance. In the years that followed, I emerged as a nationally recognized expert in the fields of criticism, stress management, communication skills, and leadership development. CRITICISM, STRESS, AND JOB PERFORMANCE Research initiated by our office, Bright Learning Enterprises, resulted in a national study that ran from 2003 to 2010 and led to some signifi- cant findings on the relationship between stress and criticism. These findings were compiled and formed a workplace program we called Strategies for Enhancing Performance Study and Program. The goal was to understand the power of criticism and the best ways that individ- uals could use criticism for positive change. The skills that were introduced in the study have been proved to yield consistent positive results among study participants. I conducted other national studies on criticism with Simmons Market Research Bureau, which led to my writing two books about criticism. Now, I lecture around the world on the subject, and I have designed licensed training programs for some of the most prestigious organizations in the United States. Rather than calling myself an executive coach or consultant, I jokingly refer to myself as an "insultant." Though being an Olympian was not in my stars, as it turned out, I did gain a kind of blue-ribbon expertise when it came to the three sides of criticism: giving criticism, receiving criticism, and the silent destructor--self-criticism. Findings from the Strategies for Enhancing Performance Study show that being on the receiving end of criticism and having to give criticism rank among the top ten most stress-producing challenges in the workplace. When asked, most people declare that they are not proficient at handling criticism. How about you? Can you think of the last time you were criticized by your boss, your mate, your friend, or maybe even your kids? How did you respond? Were you hurt, upset, or even angry? When it comes to criticism, the awful truth is that it takes only a few words or maybe just a perceived frown of disapproval to create a drama that has the potential to jeopar- dize or, in time, even destroy an important relationship. In fact, through my research, it was found that more than any other form of communication, criticism has the potential power to fatally ruin relationships. Nevertheless, as diligently as we might try to avoid it, criticism is inescapable and inevitably plays a major role in shaping our lives. If we are to succeed as parents, employees, leaders, or play- ers, it is critical that we learn how to deal with criticism as both givers and receivers. Excerpted from The Truth Doesn't Have to Hurt: How to Use Criticism to Strengthen Relationships, Improve Performance, and Promote Change by Deb Bright All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.