Excerpts

from the Introduction

So, what is schmoozing? According to Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, schmoozing is a Yiddish word that means "to chat" or "to converse idly." In his book, The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines schmooze as: "Shmooze (shmooz, shmoos, shmues) Hebrew: shmuos (originally) 'things heard'; (in time) 'rumors,' 'idle talk.' Both verb and noun, shmooz means a friendly, gossipy, prolonged, heart-to-heart talk, or friendly, persuasive conversation. 'They had a little shmooz and settled everything.'"

But today there is a common misconception about the meaning of schmooze. For many people, the word has come to suggest a con or trickery, particularly a dishonest technique for "getting as much as you can out of someone without his or her permission or knowledge." It has become synonymous with pulling the wool over a person's eyes. A schmoozer is thought of as a shallow person who makes an ingratiating comment to one's face and says the opposite thing behind one's back. This couldn't be further from the truth! That's not a schmoozer, that's a small-time, no-talent, boot-lickin' scammer.

Don't make the mistake of believing that schmoozing is crass manipulation. It's not. As this book will illustrate, schmoozing is based on age-old principles: Know Thyself; The world is as you see it; As ye sow, so shall ye reap; Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Unfortunately, we now live in a world where many do unto others and then they move out of town. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Schmoozing is the Golden Rule at full throttle. It's a skill and an art form that encourages people to say, "you've made my day" instead of demanding "make my day." It's a technique for turning others on, not taking others on. A schmoozer is more than a common smooth-talker, he's a "schmooze-talker." A schmoozer is someone who talks to people as if they really mattered--and to her they do....

After all is said and done, all I want to prove is that schmoozers are never losers, and losers are never schmoozers. Listen, schmoozing has taken me around the world five times. (I'm not rich; I was working!) I've met eight Presidents, the Queen of England, Prince Charles and Prince Andrew. I've worked with glamorous celebrities and the top comics and clowns in the world. I even had my own top-rated kids TV show for six years.

I can't guarantee you'll meet royalty. But as a genuine schmoozer, you might be rewarded with upgraded airline seats, better restaurant service, and a room with a view at hotels. You'll instinctively know the methods you can use with the people you deal with every day...your boss, your spouse, your kids and the next service person you encounter.

So if you're ready, I'll show you the importance of maintaining a bright outlook no matter what the weather, the way to open the door to a more enjoyable life and how to make any conversation go both smoothly and "schmoozly." To help you out, I humbly recommend you read this book with a highlighter or pencil nearby so your can mark off the things that you are willing to try and that will work for you.

If you already have a successful schmoozing style, great! When you read this book, you'll see yourself in action, and you might even gain a new idea or two. If you know of anyone who could use a few more of your skills--since a little charm does no harm--then give this book to them with a pat on the back and these words of encouragement, "I know you don't need this, but give it a read and give it to someone you know." And if you're a competent schmoozer, you won't find it back on your desk the next day.

What you are about to read is how I've tried to live my life. I've spent three fourths of my life as a functional illiterate, and schmoozing helped me get through that. As I was making it, I was faking it. But at the end of the day, I was sincere. I truly love people and believe that we're all in this together. I volunteer whenever possible, give what I can afford and really believe that schmoozers are more givers than takers. I hope this book will make your life easier and friendlier. Fantasize that if it catches on, we can achieve world peace. So, my advice is take a vacation, whatever you think is first-class, once a year, every year. Do the right thing. Brush and floss. And remember, yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today's a gift-that's why they call it present.

Excerpted from The Golden Rule of Schmoozing: The Authentic Practice of Treating Others Well by Aye Jay All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.